Broken Tree, Broken Me

I have a confession. I am a critic. I have struggled all my life with being hyper critical and judgmental. It’s a little better now, I’ve learned to let a lot of things slide. You can’t have a peaceful home if you don’t learn to let the little things slide. But am also the most critical of myself. I set high standards for myself and when I fail, whether it’s my fault or not, I tend to take it very personally.

Our church rents a school for our Sunday services and last Sunday I was horrified. I had gotten an email ahead of time that the school had a function over the weekend and moved some of our Christmas decorations that were set up in the main venue. One of these was the 6’ artificial tree I had donated and decorated with the help of one of our church kids.

It wasn’t much, pretty small for a tree, but we made it pretty as best we could. The star on top wouldn’t work, and the lighting on the lower branches tends to short out, but we made do. Covered it in glitter balls, ribbon, little tiny angels and some small silk poinsettia sprigs.

When I got to church Sunday it was worse than I though. One of our ushers was carrying the tree back into the main venue from the lobby. The ribbon was mostly off and trailing, the star on top was barely hanging on, a third of the ornaments were missing. Then following close behind was another usher with the tree skirt full of the missing ornaments, many of them broken and lacking hooks.

I looked at the clock… an hour before service. I have time to fix this. Meanwhile in the background the kids were dress rehearsing their Christmas performance, singing like angels and reading scriptures.

My husband reset the star on top. I plugged in the tree to see how the lights were working. The entire bottom half wouldn’t light up. I tried tracing all the plugs, but it was hopeless. The wires were so jumbled up, some of them must have come unplugged when the school moved it. I managed to get all of it lit except for that funky lower set of branches.

I unwound the ribbon stream and rewound it from the bottom up. It also was tangled with the lighting wires. By now tears are prickling in my eyes. I take a deep breath and open the tree skirt to take stock of what ornaments we have. I asked one of my friends to help me put the usable ones back on the tree. We filled in the empty spaces as best we could and then I hid the broken ornaments inside the empty Christmas boxes that were part of the decoration under the tree.

There was still a little bit of time so I sat behind the tree, back to the wall, to try and figure out the lights one last time. The longer I sat there the more upset I got till hot tears finally spilled down my cheeks. We’re supposed to offer God our best, right? Yet we know our best is never good enough. My best was broken.

I’m used to making beautiful things with my hands. I wanted to bless my church family with a beautiful tree in the venue. But this broken thing defeated me. I felt like it was a reflection of my own brokenness. I felt like if people saw the broken tree they would want someone to blame… and that would be me.

My husband spotted me crying behind the tree and came over. He offered his hand and said there was nothing more I could do, to just let it go. I knew he was right but I took his hand reluctantly and let him help me up. He gave me a big hug and told me it was ok.

Later on the way home from church I confessed my broken feelings to him and he was so understanding. I know this is something the Lord is working on in me.

And isn’t that the true meaning of Christmas. That Jesus came to heal our brokenness and fill our empty places. Jesus is the light. Does it matter if the lights on my tree won’t work? Does it matter if my star won’t shine?

John 1:5 says, “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

Not even the darkness of a broken down Christmas tree. Really, God used that moment to remind me Jesus is all the light I need.

Friend, how is your Christmas prep going? Take a deep breath. Whatever is going wrong, give it to Jesus. He knows your heart, he know’s you’re just dust, he knows your best is not “good enough” but He loves you and he has more spiritual gifts for you this Christmas than all the pretty wrapped presents in the world. He gives himself, takes our brokenness and gives us his perfection instead. Let’s accept that grace and spread it all around. Amen? Amen.



Light

I often wonder why we use physical terms to describe feelings and emotions. I was thinking about light and dark a lot this week, in both physical and metaphysical expression. What is light? Is it the absence of darkness? What is darkness? Is it merely the absence of light? Is it proper to define a thing by the absence of its opposite? Is it possible to be light-hearted and dark-hearted at the same time? Is there some sort of shadow-heart in between?

What is the real relationship between darkness and light in the life of the believer? God often uses physical things to model and explain spiritual truths. Here are a few verses to meditate on today as you think about “light” and “darkness.” Where does the light come from? How does the light overcome the darkness? How do I live in the light?

In the Beginning

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.
And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. And God saw that the light was good. And God separated the light from the darkness.God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day. Genesis 1:3-5

God created all things. Best of all, He created us and lets us enjoy his creation. Without light, the light of the sun specifically, there would be no life. If the earth was just a little closer to to the sun we would scorch the earth with unbearable heat and just a little farther away the earth would be a frozen wasteland. It is astronomically improbable for there to be life on the earth, and yet here we are.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. John 1:1-5

John is speaking here of Jesus as the light. Darkness is in fact the partial or total absence of light, while light is itself a thing, measured as waves or particles. That is why the darkness cannot overcome light. The fact that we have visible light and a means to see it, gives us incredible insight into why Jesus called himself “the light of the world” and later called his disciple “the light of the world.”

In the Middle

The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. John 1:9-13

“And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.” John 3:18-20

Light represents good and darkness represents wickedness and evil. Thieves wear black and work in the dark to hide their evil deeds. Angels wear white, brides wear white representing purity. Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 11:14 that even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. This is why as Christians we must understand and discern the difference between darkness and light.

In the End

And I saw no temple in the city, for its temple is the Lord God the Almighty and the Lamb. And the city has no need of sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and its lamp is the Lamb. By its light will the nations walk, and the kings of the earth will bring their glory into it, and its gates will never be shut by day—and there will be no night there. They will bring into it the glory and the honor of the nations. But nothing unclean will ever enter it, nor anyone who does what is detestable or false, but only those who are written in the Lamb’s book of life. Revelation 21:22-27

No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and his servants will worship him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever. Revelation 22:3-5

We currently have the Sun as our main source of visible light, but we only see it half the time. The rest is this thing called night. Again, the absence of light. What a great future we have to look forward to. The Lord God will be our light, no shadow anywhere. Pure goodness and glory at every moment. Never again having the fear of what hides in the dark or the darkness within ourselves.

See the Light

As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him. We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day; night is coming, when no one can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.” Having said these things, he spit on the ground and made mud with the saliva. Then he anointed the man’s eyes with the mud and said to him,“Go, wash in the pool of Siloam” (which means Sent). So he went and washed and came back seeing. John 9:1-7

After being questioned twice by the Pharisees the formerly blind man answered them,

“Whether he is a sinner I do not know. One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see…” John 9:25

The enraged Pharisees kicked the formerly blind man out of the Synagogue. Jesus went and found him and he believed in Jesus. Then Jesus lays down some truth.

Jesus said, “For judgment I came into this world, that those who do not see may see, and those who see may become blind.” Some of the Pharisees near him heard these things, and said to him, “Are we also blind?” Jesus said to them, “If you were blind, you would have no guilt; but now that you say, ‘We see,’ your guilt remains.” John 9:30-41

One miracle that Jesus delighted to do over and over again is give sight to the blind. On the flip side of that, he was constantly calling the Pharisees “blind” because they refused to believe that he came from God. The Apostle Paul tells us where this blindness comes from:

And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. 2 Corinthians 4:3-6

Walk In the Light

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. 1 John 1:5-7

We are fooling ourselves, just like the Pharisees, if we say we love God and then run into darkness and sin. We cannot excuse our evil, but must repent in the light in order for the blood of Jesus to cleanse us. We cannot be cleansed if we will not admit we are sinners in need of a Savior.

Be the Light

You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:14-16

Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. Ephesians 5:6-11

For you are all children of light, children of the day. We are not of the night or of the darkness. 1 Thessalonians 5:5

Remember that Sunday school song from when we were kids…

 “This little light of mine…
I’m gonna let it shine…”

How do we do that practically? Day to day we must see the light and walk in the light in order to be the light. I know this side of heaven we’ll never be able to do that perfectly, but with the help of the Holy Spirit we can draw closer to Jesus every day. I so desperately want this in my life. Paul just told us that “The fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true.” As the sun rises every day remember who you are, a child of the light, ask God for opportunities to shine your light so others can see Jesus.

Thanks for reading. I would love to hear from you so feel free to email me or leave a comment. What do you think about “the light?”